As the Turkey Turns
Thanksgiving is a holiday typically spent with family and/or friends, reflecting on the gifts in our lives, being thankful for the small and the big, the precious and the ridiculous.Thanksgiving in my life tends to be, well, dramatic. Or, at the very least, entertaining. I end up being thankful that the day wasn’t worse. Here are a just a few examples of Thanksgiving pasts:
As the Turkey Turns, Episode 1
There was the year that I was away from my family for the very first time, ever. I was living with Boyfriend, and we planned to have a small celebration. I got the turkey. I called my mother for directions on how to stuff it. I made the side dishes. I called my mother to double check recipes. I baked four different desserts, because that’s how my family always did it (not thinking that it was because we usually served fifteen or more people).Meanwhile, Boyfriend lounged in the living room watching, you guessed it, football. I slaved away in the kitchen, ignorant that you can prep days in advance. Translation: I was making the whole damn meal, pies and all, that morning. Then the phone rang. Boyfriend’s best friend. Wanting to play football with the guys for the afternoon. Want to guess what happened next? That’s right, Boyfriend kissed me goodbye, said he’d be back in time for dinner, and left. I think I cried my way through the sweet potatoes. And I called my mom.
As the Turkey Turns, Episode 2
Then there was the year that some members of my family were invited to stay at a friend’s house on Cape Cod. He encouraged us to bring our dogs because of the great backyard. My mother, my sister, and I were psyched we didn’t have to board our dogs for the long weekend. The three dogs were having a great time playing in the backyard; they didn’t make a peep the whole time. We cooked and drank and socialized and ate and never once had to worry about those awesome, well-behaved dogs.Late that night, we were all tucked into bed when my husband heard a strange sound. He got up, but he didn’t know where the lights were. He was feeling his way around in the dark when he stepped in a huge pile of crap. He jumped to the side and stepped in another huge pile of crap. Again, he leaped for safety, and again, landed smack dab in crap. It was everywhere! All over the hall floor, the carpeted stairway, the oriental rugs on the first floor, the kitchen floor. Even crap splatters on the walls and furniture. One of the dogs apparently sat on the white couch and scooted across the cushions, if you get my drift. We surmised that all three dogs had eaten bark that had fallen from the trees in the yard, and it came out in an explosive show. We tried cleaning it up, but couldn’t get it all out. We did fess up and offered to pay for professional cleaning. Our friend declined our offer, but curiously, we were not invited back.I think he may have even moved.
As the Turkey Turns, Episode 3
Next up, the worst Thanksgiving ever. Last year, when my mother collapsed. It was terrible at the time, but my family, being who they are, always manage to find the humor in even the worst of circumstances.
As the Turkey Turns, Episode 4
Finally, this year. Thanksgiving 2013. My mother hosted, and there were about 12 of us. It was all going so well, until the police showed up. Apparently, a neighbor called to complain about a dog barking. That would be my mother’s dog, Liesl.
She barks to be heard, let me tell you. Now, I could understand the police being summoned if she was barking at, say, 1am. But, it was 5:15pm. Apparently, the complaint was severe enough that the police were prepared to take Liesl away and impound her. The women in our family met Officer Friendly on the porch and, shall we say, sweet-talked him? Thankfully, Officer Friendly let us off with a warning. But now my mom is on the “naughty” list with the police and that didn’t make her happy.She’s already investigating which of her neighbors was home that fateful night.Have you had any crazy Thanksgivings?